Monday, May 18, 2015
I watched you die two years ago today.
I try to write about you but don’t know what to say.
I used to document your every move.
but now I just can’t find a groove.
So proud; I wanted to share you with the world.
Like any father, I loved my little girl.
The way you would drag me around by my finger;
These fragmented memories of our bond are all that linger.
Six years passed so quickly in a blur.
My greatest fear now is that one day I will forget her.
I cling to the moments so tightly, for they are all I have to remember.
Her fire has died, but wait; there’s still a smoldering ember.
What can I possibly say now that would matter
about a precious life taken away, leaving so many in tatters?
So instead I sulk and wallow;
A bitter pill that’s mine to swallow.
Last year, I went on a Hawaiian hike.
Seemed a fitting way to celebrate my tyke.
Today seems so much harder.
Are the feelings real, or am I just playing the martyr?
This pain I don’t feel just once a year.
It’s with me every day; a constant reminder ringing in my ear.
I find no comfort in reading scripture,
and the ache is only worsened if I dare look at her picture.
I’m left here to wonder what might she be doing this day.
Boarding the bus, I suppose; heading off to learn and play.
Now all that remains at her school is a little tree
Planted to honor her memory, though I doubt many visit except me.
I curse God and sometimes family, too.
Most couldn’t possibly know, because they haven’t lived through.
So just be quiet; don’t speak a word.
These hollow comforts you offer; I’ve already heard.
This journey is reserved for a chosen few.
Be glad it’s me and not you.
My time here is not yet complete.
What is it you want me to do my sweet?
I know I couldn’t have changed this wretched outcome.
Your journey here was done; you gave your heart and then some.
Now it’s time for me to find a new purpose amidst this strife.
Pick up the pieces and make a new life.
Keep holding tightly to that finger and lighting the way.
Though you are somewhere else, I need this small part of you that helps me each day.
I’m listening to your voice telling me to write.
Fingers to the keyboard daddy; don’t give up the fight.
I feel your gentle tug pointing me where I should go.
I listen and wait for you to reveal those things only a little angel can know.
Love really does transcend the bounds of time and space.
This knowledge I’m grateful for but also wish I didn’t have to face.
I’ll see you again one day on the other side but not yet.
Of that one certain truth, you can place your bet.