Aftermath

I watched you die two years ago today.

I try to write about you but don’t know what to say.

I used to document your every move,

but now I just can’t find a groove.

So proud; I wanted to share you with the world.

Like any father, I loved my little girl.

The way you would drag me around by my finger;

these fragmented memories of our bond are all that linger.

Six years passed so quickly in a blur.

My greatest fear now is that one day I will forget her.

I cling to these moments so tightly, for they're all I have to remember.

Her fire has died, but wait; there’s still a smoldering ember.

What can I possibly say now that would matter

about a precious life taken away, leaving so many in tatters?

So instead I sulk and wallow;

a bitter pill that’s mine alone to swallow.

Last year, I went on a Hawaiian hike.

It seemed a fitting way to celebrate my tyke.

Today seems so much harder.

Are the feelings real, or am I just playing the martyr?

This pain I don’t feel just once a year.

It’s with me every day—a constant reminder ringing in my ear.

I find no comfort in reading scripture,

and the ache is only worsened if I dare look at her picture.

I’m left here to wonder what might she be doing on this day.

Boarding the bus, I suppose, heading off to learn and play.

Now all that remains at her school is a little tree

planted to honor her memory, although I doubt many visit except me.

I curse God and sometimes family, too.

Most couldn’t possibly know, because they haven’t lived through.

So just be quiet and don’t speak a word.

These hollow comforts you offer I’ve already heard.

This journey is reserved for a chosen few.

Be glad it’s me and not you.

My time here is not yet complete.

What is it you want me to do, my sweet?

I know I couldn’t have changed this wretched outcome.

Your journey here was done; you gave your heart and then some.

Now it’s time to find a new purpose amidst this strife.

Pick up the pieces and make a new life.

Keep holding tightly to that finger and lighting the way.

Although you're somewhere else, I need this small part of you that helps me each day.

I’m listening to your voice telling me to write.

Fingers to the keyboard Daddy, don’t give up the fight.

I feel your gentle tug pointing me where I should go.

I listen and wait for you to reveal those things only a little angel can know.

Love really does transcend the bounds of time and space.

This knowledge I’m grateful for but also wish I didn’t have to face.

I’ll see you again one day on the other side, but not yet.

On that one certain truth, you can place your bet.